omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
