My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
