I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
is that a dick in a sweater?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
