and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
