Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
God I need to hump something, right now.
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