omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
