just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
