dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
