I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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