I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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