sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
