Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
