Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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