I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
