I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
