i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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