saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
40s are totally the cure
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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