I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
