So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
