All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
