I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
