I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
