Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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