my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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