Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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