K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
