I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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