C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
