I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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