So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
