Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
