If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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