I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
