I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
