I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
