ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
