i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
