did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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