Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
