He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize