I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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