i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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