MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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