Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
