Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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