in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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