i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
