Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize