So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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