We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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