Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
