She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize