is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
