you traded sex for a burrito?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize