screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
