She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
