there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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