I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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