dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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