Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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