Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
