I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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