I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
