The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How external is "for external use only"?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
