It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
