he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
