He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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