The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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