Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
