i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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