hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
