I love black thongs
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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